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| What a strange, twisted three weeks.
And I wouldn't trade it for the world.
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| Random thoughts for this week. Shooting for 100.
1) My perspective on "evangelism" is rapidly changing.
2) Super Nintendo is more fun when you are 12. Less fun when you are 21.
3) Philosophy paper assignment, where did you go? I want to hug you and touch you and finish you.
4) I really am a loner at heart, and I think I'm ok with that.
5) For some reason I have been very bored, but I know I have lots of things I need to get done.
6) Juxtapose 4 with: I like making new friends, and qualify that conundrum.
7) I need to buy the following: Toothpaste, Body Wash, A Pot for flowers, flower seeds, and a GRE study guide, but I don't have a car.
8) Collective Soul, the greatest post-grunge band of all time? Yes.
9) I got to spoon with a 3 year old this weekend. I'm her uncle, though, so I don't think that means I'm a pedophile.
10) Regina Spektor is slowly growing on me.
11) I wrote some poetry the other day, but I accidently left it in someone elses journal. Embarrassing? Yes. My sub-conscious' attempt to be recognized by someone else? Probably.
12) I finally saw The Departed. Good movie. Makes me want to be Irish.
13) Seriously, what the heck am I going to do with a double major in History/Philosophy with a minor in Sociology?
14) I'm starting to realize that work will never, ever be completed, and that I need to enjoy (not abuse) my youth while I still have it.
15) On the other hand, my grades are slipping. I need to keep up my 3.65 to get some random distinction that will be insignificant 10 years from now. It's super important to me.
17) I didn't feel like having a 16.
18) Since 14, I've been listening to Bob Dylan and thoroughly enjoying it.
19) It really is starting to freak me out that I can't find my philosophy assignment.
20) I read the other day that the average person drinks about 200 servings of soda in a year. I drink about 550. Hello, Mr. Ulcer, it's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you will enjoy my stomach.
21) Why wait any longer for the world to begin? You can have your cake and eat it too.
22) Sometimes I hope I'm crazy, because it's the crazy people who get recognized as geniuses after they die, and generally their deaths are stories of themselves.
23) Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here.
24) Sometimes I know.
25) I think when we die, we'll be surprised by how little we knew, and how much we tried to convince ourselves that we knew what deep inside we knew we didn't.
26) World of Warcraft is starting to bore me.
27) Seriously, if you stole that assignment sheet, gave it back.
28) I still want to road trip this summer. I probably won't, but it is nice to day dream about.
29) I wish I did Boy Scouts when I was younger so I knew how to do essential things such as tying knots and starting fires, because I still have compulsions to run away to the forest. I probably wouldn't last too long, though.
30) I don't flush the toilet when I pee in a public toilet. It's a complete waste of water. Of course I flush when I'm at someone else's house; I mean, that's just a matter of respect. But if it's a public toilet, I'm not going to waste that much water just so that it looks nicer.
31) I also don't dry my hands. We kill enough trees as it is.
32) I'm sounding very environmentally right now, but let me assure you, I eat more than my fair-share of meat. I've heard the stories of chickens and how they are raised and kept, and it does bother me. But chicken also tastes really, really good.
33) A couple boys and I tried killing a goose the other day. Ask me about it sometime.
34) I don't actually think you're going to ask me about it because I don't think you're reading this.
35) The fact that I don't think you're reading this makes it a lot easier to write/type.
36) The you is the general you. There's no one specific that I'm secretly hoping reads this. I hate it when people write in their xanga/livejournal about how "you" hurt them or whatnot. Fess up and say some names, already. I don't read your journal to let the juicy bits slip over my head.
37) I'm very impressed with some residents on my floor.
38) Other residents of the floor make me depressed, though.
39) There's a lot of rules on who I can and can't be attracted to. Supression is the key, I've learned.
40) Once upon a time you dressed so fine...
41) I've never gotten so much flak for not wearing a specific shirt.
42) Writing is a good way to relieve the boredom.
43) Will I ever make a difference?
44) Have I already?
45) How can I love more?
46) What burdens am I supposed to take on? What burdens am I supposed to let go of?
47) I struggle with the same things I struggled with a year ago. Whatever happened to growth?
48) I think swinging is very fun.
49) I want to be more free.
50) People would be surprised by how much I know about them. I'm not a stalker, I just love observing people. Their actions, their responses.
51) Keegan says that girls find me attractive because I put up some allure, some mystery. I don't think so, but maybe he's right. On that note, maybe that's why I'm afraid to completely make myself vulnerable to someone.
52) Keegan also battle plans for the Invasion of Iran and Russia pinned up on his wall.
53) But really, what if it turns out I'm actually pretty boring and dull once you get to know me? Is that why I have so many surface level relationships and very few deep, meaningful ones?
54) Makes me wonder how people see me. I'm something different to each person, most likely.
55) and i came upon a doctor, who appeared in quite poor health / i said there's nothing there can do you for you can't do yourself / he said oh yes you can just hold my hand i think that would help / so i sat with him a while and asked him how he felt / he said i think im cured, in fact im sure / thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile
56) I have never completely seen The Little Mermaid. When I watched it with my niece, the prince was about to kiss Ariel and then Ursula went berserko. I'm anxious to find out the ending. I bet there's a plot twist.
57) The title "Dr. Cox" is very appealing.
58) I just realized I have the Wide Screen Version of LOTR 1, the Extended Version of LOTR 2, and the Full Screen Version of LOTR 3. I suppose I like diversity.
59) I also have Goldmember, and I have no idea why I still have it.
60) I borrowed Donnie Darko from a resident and lost it. Maybe I let someone borrow it.
61) I still haven't given away my clothes like I said I would. I'm not using sheets anymore, but I didn't give them away because they are stained. So really, I'm living like a hobo for no reason.
62) I don't think Rob Love reads this. I bet he also doesn't know how much I respect him.
63) This weekend made me realize how much I miss Jordan and thoroughly enjoy his friendship.
64) Speaking of this weekend, my body is one giant sore.
65) Dodgeball is in 41 minutes.
66) I like the RENT soundtrack.
67) Still can't find that assignment.
68) Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you;
love her, and she will watch over you.69) I'm scared to see the new TMNT movie. I've heard good things, I've heard bad things. 70) This is madness. THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!
71) Got a little hyper there - sorry.
72) One time one of my professors said I had a distinct writing style but I tended to ramble. Ramble? I'll ramble his face off.
73) Seriously, do I have nothing better to do than to write for an hour over absolutely nothing? What has this accomplished?
74) I miss cross-country. I was probably never healthier than my senior year.
75) I wish I could grow a sweet beard.
76) I sing really loud in my room, and I wonder if people in the hall can hear me when I really start getting into it.
77) Seeing other people worship is very fulfilling. But...is it really my place to see someone in one of their most intimate moments? Is it off-limits? There isn't much in this world that is still regarded as sacred, so when I arrive upon something that is, I don't know what to do with it.
78) The Guerilla Theatre Troupe is a good thing.
79) Yep, definitely running out of things to write about.
80) My Lance Bass Bobble Head doll is staring at me right now. Seriously, stop it, Lance.
81) Am I okay with not being accepted? I don't know.
82) I refuse to wear that T-shirt, but at the same time, I don't want to take a small issue and turn it into a huge one.
83) What am I going to to do next year? Any help would be appreciated.
84) I miss Long Beach...so much. I miss running along side the beach, the sun hanging in the sky. The wind caressing my face and hair. My body exerting itself to exhaustion until I lay down in the sand, smiling.
85) Really, running is not the same here in Normal.
86) I hate running here.
87) I also miss working in Long Beach. Man, what a cool city. I hate big cities, but I could definitely see myself living in Califonria.
88) I should pick up surfing.
89) "Is he safe?" "Safe, no he isn't safe. But he's the king, and he's good"
90) Do we set our expectations of romance and love too high?
91) Or is our problem that we set them too low?
92) So, how do we achieve them without settling? Because I settle, and you probably will too. That's why women end up with men who beat them and men end up with women who they really aren't in love with.
93) Are we really that scared of being alone?
94) Dodgeball in 23 minutes.
95) I want a pet. Dog or cat, doesn't matter. Maybe a tortoise.
96) Acne medication doesn't work. Don't believe anyone who tells you it does.
97) I'm pretty sure we aren't any healthier than we were a couple hundred years ago. Same diseases, new names.
98) How do we stop war?
99) I could use a cigar.
100) Did you really read all of this? Good job.
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| Random thoughts of the week(ish)
1) Job is an amazing book about amazing people giving really crappy advice, and I love it
2) Cat Stevens is a very talented artist.
3) I'm tired of being an RA and being on shepherd team.
4) I keep looking in my closet and thinking I have too many clothes.
5) I am starting to wonder if I'm intelligent enough to pursue my doctorate in Philosophy. If I'm not, what else is there to do?
6) Friend from summer project is coming to visit me, and that's exciting.
7) God is really, really good.
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| So I'm reading some of Job, and in Job 38:3 God responds to Job saying, "Brace yourself like a man; I wll question you, and you shall answer me."
I don't know about you, but if God told me to brace myself like a man, I would be peeing my pants.
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| God is teaching me amazing things. Hard, but amazing.
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